Friday, May 9, 2014

One Week Kidneyversary!

No kids, I didn't disappear in a tragic surgical mishap.  I have been in a perpetual cycle of gassy discomfort and semi-effective analgesia via Percoset.  Every time I tell myself that I'm going to post, I look at the clock and realize it's time for my next dose of meds.  I swallow said meds, sit down to write, and fall asleep.  Today I have lengthened the time between doses, so here is your update, you vultures!  :-)

Last week at this time, I was in a heavily sedated fog.  I was coming out of general anesthesia, had no voice, and a very annoying nasal cannula delivering what felt like sub-zero oxygen directly to my brain.  I felt like I was seeing the world with one eye open, and as I try to recall it now, holding conversations with my visitors like a cartoonist drunk with a lisp.  I do remember a picture of Joe's former kidneys.  I also remeber my PACU nurse being quite annoyed that she couldn't give report on my status to the nurse on the transplant floor who would be caring for me.  My one thought during her tantrum was "either she really wants to go home, or I am that patient that does everything in their power to annoy their nurse".  Then I passed out again.  I vaguely remember the parade through the hospital to my room, a discussion about the amazing view of the Bromo Seltzer clock tower outside one window, and the kick-ass view of The World-Famous Lexington Market (*laugh-cough-laugh*) out the other, and gushing over how lovely and spacious my hospital room was, and OMGshehasherownfridge!  In was also given my very own cape.  Joe had it made for me, and it appeared in my hospital room Friday night, along with a massive fruit and snack basket from the hospital. 

About three o'clock the next morning, I finally came completely out of my sedated fog.  The guy in the room next to me had turned the volume of his T.V. up as high as he could.  FYI, Family Feud at 3am is not an appropriate way to wake a recently sedated patient.  I was mad!  But seeing as how I was so recently operated on, I couldn't just go next door and knock some manners into this rude ass man, so I called my nurse for pain meds and gas meds and fell back into a restless slumber.  For an hour.  Because gas had invaded my shoulders.  And it hurt.  A LOT!  And thus went the next hour or so (time was still blurring together).  4 am, my nurse comes in to do rounds and let me know that my Foley catheter (pee bag) will come out.  5 am, my tech comes in to check my vital signs and empty aforementioned pee bag, 5:30 brings plebotomy in to take blood for labs, 6 is my date with the nurse to remove the catheter from my bladder.  At some point, I request a shower.  The nurse is only too happy to oblige (I must have smelled like a homeless person, judging by her reaction).  She assures me that the tech will be in shortly with towels and a fresh gown.  I told her no rush, because I wanted to try walking.  She looked ecstatic at this declaration; I quietly mused that she must have to take a cattle prod to some patients.  She helped me sit up after checking my incision and IV sites, unplugged my still running IV pump and helped me to my feet.  She offered to walk with me, but I declined.  I was on a mission to go see Joe, and he was on the other side of the wing.  His room was literally the first room of the transplant wing; my room was the last.  It was planned that way by our sadistic, evil coordinators, I just know it!  I was so excited when I saw him; despite having just had what basically amounted to two infants removed from his abdomen, he looked fantastic!  Well as fantastic as one can look when they are sporting multiple tubes in their face and neck, among other places.  I didn't stay too long, because I was in pain and so was he.  I made my way back to my room for that much anticipated shower, and was denied by my tech because "the hot water sensor was malfunctioning; also we are out of washcloths.  I'll set you up a basin at the sink and bring in a chair".  Trying to give yourself a spongebath right after abdominal surgery is every bit as difficult as you imagine it to be.  I managed to wash the important bits before I gave up.  I took a nap immediately after.  I made a few more trips down the hall that day to see him, including a 2 am Sunday morning stroll (I couldn't sleep and neither could he.  There was a code blue a couple rooms over, and housekeeping thought the wee hours of the morning is a totally appropriate time to change garbage bags and mop room floors). 

I was discharged from the hospital on Sunday, 2 days after the transplant.  I was allowed a shower (not a damn thing wrong with the hot water, so I took my sweet time and enjoyed getting clean.  Surgery sure makes you feel scummy!).  It's amazing how much better you feel after a nice hot shower.  It's also disturbing how obsessed with your farts and poops medical staff become when nothing has happened within 48 hours of surgeons roughing up your guts.  I wound up telling my tech Sunday morning "No.  No I have not pooped or farted.  It's next to impossible to do so when all I've had to eat is chicken boullion and lukewarm tea.  I'm burping like a drunk sailor though, so YAY!"  She wasn't amused.  My nurse must have had the message relayed to her, because she really didn't discuss it at discharge.  She probably guessed that I was smart enough to review my discharge instructions and call my surgeon's office if I haven't had some movement (see what I did there?) after a week.  I assure you, all is good. 

So I've been home for 5 days.  For the most part, they've been okay.  Not pain-free by any stretch of the imagination, but it sure beats trying to get comfortable in the hospital.  The pain is subsiding, and I now know that my belly button looks like it starred in a slasher movie and was a victim of the killer.  My right hand looks like I went 3 seconds against Evander Holyfield (blown IV), and I'm still looking forward to being able to roll over in bed without feeling like my abdominal muscles are tearing back open.  Despite all this, if I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't hesitate.  The pain is worth it, and it's much less than the pain Joe is dealing with in his recovery.  They basically removed two 20 pound weights from his gut.  All of his organs and ribs have to adjust to being where they belong.  Plus a mega-incision to heal up.  Ouch!  Anywho,  there's the deets!  

I follow up with my surgeon next week, and should hopefully be able to go back to work with some restrictions shortly thereafter.  I hope so, because I'm starting to get a little restless.  That, and summer is almost upon us, which means travelling, which requires money! 

Okay kids, it's almost dinner time so I'm off to feed the boy.  Till next time...

Gina, the Super Donor!